Reach out and touch someone
I've been thinking about the importance of human contact.
We have a book, a baby shower gift given to us by Darryl, about baby massage. It goes into the importance of touching your baby, the feeling of skin on skin, and how it establishes a bond between you and your child. This sets a precedent of physical intimacy for the rest of his or her life.
In childhood we are touched more than at any other time of life. As we grow, and learn to do things for ourselves, the need for so much contact decreases. It's a shame that we take it for granted and let it slip away. Physical contact is indicative of so many things.
So much is communicated unspoken in a touch, just through the weight of it, by the part of the body, and the length of the touch. Is it the genuineness of a heavy and full palm? Is it the alluring trace of a delicate finger? Maybe the telling hug that lingers just a second too long?
It's funny, too, to see how people touch themselves when they really want to touch someone else.
I think about getting old, how the opportunities for human contact dwindle away with the years. How sad it would be to have no one, no chance to touch, especially at a time when one is most vunerable. Why do we, the young, shy away from touching someone old?
It makes me happy that my children are comfortable with physical intimacy. While it exists there is security, closeness and little chance for violence. I sometimes wonder if parents who beat their children, or children who hit others, do so for the contact, just for the sake of touching someone, even if it is in anger.
If I can give any advice (not that I'm in a position to give it) I would say try hard to make honest and genuine physical contact with the people in your life. The less a person gets that contact, the more they need it.
Vacuosity
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
Snow job
So much to write and so little opportunity. The fam is gone; the place seems a little empty now. It's been a busy week and it's gone so quickly it's hard to believe it's over.
I had two job interviews, did some work on spec for GB, presented it, they liked it and I think I have a job. Specifics like hours, reporting structure and salary are yet to be determined. I'm not fully decided that I'll take the job, but we'll see. If it feels right, I will.
The Shyjaks (Caleb's family) were great and organized all sorts of activities for us. They took the fam to a great breakfast buffet, we went tobogganing on Christmas day, and followed up with a sleigh ride on Friday. The sleigh ride was hilarious; it was nothing but an hour long wrestling match where we all tried to throw each other off. Near the end Amy, Erin and Julia got tossed and couldn't catch the sleigh again. Caleb and I tried to rescue them, literally pulling them along to catch up, but to no avail. We all ended up walking back the last ten minutes. Actually, I think at least half of our group of 20 ended up walking back.
Toboganning was really good too. I took Jaimeson down several times and she loved it. Once Jordan, Jaime and I rode a busted GT Snowracer down, all together. We hit a snowbank at the bottom and landed on our backs. I couldn't see her face (I was on my back with Jaime on my stomach, on her back) but all I heard was baby chuckling coming from the solid mound of winter clothing on my stomach. She kept asking to go down again. Now she wants to go outside all the time. She tries to open the lock on the front door, and when someone does open it for her, she'll stand there trying to get out despite the freezing cold.
It was a nice visit with Julia's parents too. This house, with all its things to fix would keep Dennis happily occupied for years to come. He was in his glory, moving from one project to the next. It was fine by me, he's welcome to stay. He managed to fix both toilets, mend a door frame, rewire our dryer, install a new door handle, fix Caleb's muffler, among other things. He even installed some smoke detectors and developed a fire plan, complete with knotted escape rope for Amy. Besides all that, he kept us well-fed and the house clean. My hat is off to him.
All in all, it was a great week that ended too soon.
So much to write and so little opportunity. The fam is gone; the place seems a little empty now. It's been a busy week and it's gone so quickly it's hard to believe it's over.
I had two job interviews, did some work on spec for GB, presented it, they liked it and I think I have a job. Specifics like hours, reporting structure and salary are yet to be determined. I'm not fully decided that I'll take the job, but we'll see. If it feels right, I will.
The Shyjaks (Caleb's family) were great and organized all sorts of activities for us. They took the fam to a great breakfast buffet, we went tobogganing on Christmas day, and followed up with a sleigh ride on Friday. The sleigh ride was hilarious; it was nothing but an hour long wrestling match where we all tried to throw each other off. Near the end Amy, Erin and Julia got tossed and couldn't catch the sleigh again. Caleb and I tried to rescue them, literally pulling them along to catch up, but to no avail. We all ended up walking back the last ten minutes. Actually, I think at least half of our group of 20 ended up walking back.
Toboganning was really good too. I took Jaimeson down several times and she loved it. Once Jordan, Jaime and I rode a busted GT Snowracer down, all together. We hit a snowbank at the bottom and landed on our backs. I couldn't see her face (I was on my back with Jaime on my stomach, on her back) but all I heard was baby chuckling coming from the solid mound of winter clothing on my stomach. She kept asking to go down again. Now she wants to go outside all the time. She tries to open the lock on the front door, and when someone does open it for her, she'll stand there trying to get out despite the freezing cold.
It was a nice visit with Julia's parents too. This house, with all its things to fix would keep Dennis happily occupied for years to come. He was in his glory, moving from one project to the next. It was fine by me, he's welcome to stay. He managed to fix both toilets, mend a door frame, rewire our dryer, install a new door handle, fix Caleb's muffler, among other things. He even installed some smoke detectors and developed a fire plan, complete with knotted escape rope for Amy. Besides all that, he kept us well-fed and the house clean. My hat is off to him.
All in all, it was a great week that ended too soon.
Saturday, December 21, 2002
Golden daze
I'm going to lose it. Actually, I've already lost it... several times. I continue to be plagued by a faulty computer, which has a knack for crashing just when I'm nearing completion of a lengthy writing piece.
I had written a long post about what's going on, how the employment search is going, etc., but just before I was ready to post... gone.
I don't have the time or the patience to re-write it. Suffice to say that the prospects are good, including an Art Director role at a place I'm pretty interested in. More interviews to come next week.
Jaime is one today. And the inlaws arrived en masse. They are staying the week.
I'm off to claim my share of the schläg. We've got to import it now. Erin, lovely Erin, brought us a bottle. A big one. Such a good girl.
I'm going to lose it. Actually, I've already lost it... several times. I continue to be plagued by a faulty computer, which has a knack for crashing just when I'm nearing completion of a lengthy writing piece.
I had written a long post about what's going on, how the employment search is going, etc., but just before I was ready to post... gone.
I don't have the time or the patience to re-write it. Suffice to say that the prospects are good, including an Art Director role at a place I'm pretty interested in. More interviews to come next week.
Jaime is one today. And the inlaws arrived en masse. They are staying the week.
I'm off to claim my share of the schläg. We've got to import it now. Erin, lovely Erin, brought us a bottle. A big one. Such a good girl.
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Rush hour
Given that my résumé has now been emailed to half of the Winnipeg population, it's not surprising to finally see a little bit of traffic coming throught this site. What worries me is that I'm not so sure it's a good thing. One recipient of the spam-like approach was kind enough to call me back today, give his compliments on my résumé, and let me know that he would pass along my contact info to his friend who has recently launched a local business magazine. He also gave some constructive advice about this site, which is notably deficient in design-related content. Basically he suggested that if I am going to include the URL in my letter, I had better be prepared for people to look at it. Point taken.
Already conscious of that, in fact, I spent the day compiling a porfolio, both for posting here and taking with me to interviews. I have a couple coming up. I should have it up within a few days.
I met a lady recently who is the first presswoman I have even heard of. She's a tiny little thing, too, who weighs barely a hundred pounds. Good for her. When I get that press I keep talking about, maybe I can bribe her into showing me how to run it.
Given that my résumé has now been emailed to half of the Winnipeg population, it's not surprising to finally see a little bit of traffic coming throught this site. What worries me is that I'm not so sure it's a good thing. One recipient of the spam-like approach was kind enough to call me back today, give his compliments on my résumé, and let me know that he would pass along my contact info to his friend who has recently launched a local business magazine. He also gave some constructive advice about this site, which is notably deficient in design-related content. Basically he suggested that if I am going to include the URL in my letter, I had better be prepared for people to look at it. Point taken.
Already conscious of that, in fact, I spent the day compiling a porfolio, both for posting here and taking with me to interviews. I have a couple coming up. I should have it up within a few days.
• • •
I met a lady recently who is the first presswoman I have even heard of. She's a tiny little thing, too, who weighs barely a hundred pounds. Good for her. When I get that press I keep talking about, maybe I can bribe her into showing me how to run it.
Gloat
And yes, when it's a mild -3° here, and -11° in Toronto, I'll admit to a bit of schadenfreude.
Okay... a lot of it. Suckers.
And yes, when it's a mild -3° here, and -11° in Toronto, I'll admit to a bit of schadenfreude.
Okay... a lot of it. Suckers.
Monday, December 16, 2002
Two drivers
After a second helping of ratatouille, forgetting that I was supposed to play floor hockey this evening, I was feeling pretty stuffed. Add a glass of Chardonnay and you've got instant lethargy.
Ryan (who along with Crystal are the baby gate providers), called around seven thirty to remind me that I was supposed to be there by eight thirty. "Oh no," I thought "only an hour to digest."
Well, seeing as I've sat on my ever-enlarging backside for three months now, eating junk and not exercising one little bit, I thought that I had better not pass up the opportunity to get into a regular game. It went okay, but I really need some regular exercise. I was sucking wind like an asthmatic on a treadmill.
In other news, it turns out I have an interview next week. Julia mass-mailed my résumé to about 150 places today. One place responded right away. We'll see how it goes; not knowing what we're going to do for money is getting uncomfortable. I want to get it straightened out now. I'm sure it will be fine, but being sure isn't the same as being sure.
Julia and I got into it today. It wasn't so much a fight as an unpleasant discussion.
The problem is that she and I can never agree. Ever. Whether it's how to make dinner or what colours to paint or what is a reasonable amount of money to spend on something, we will not agree. And no amount of debate will resolve it. Hours have passed, afternoons, even entire days have slipped away while we dance with an issue.
This has been an issue especially in how I use my time. Deciding how long something should take is a difficult thing; it doesn't pay to be optimistic in your estimates.
She and I are both so opinionated and those opinions are always, inevitably conflicting. We both assess a situation bearing in mind the asthetic, practicality, time, efficiency, and end-result quality factors, but weigh each of those factors completely differently. In the spectrum of "Good, Cheap and Fast" where you can only choose two, she's cheap and fast, while I'm good and cheap.
Since I hate this so much, the constant wrestling with Julia on every minute detail, I have been inclined of late to say "Fine, you make the decision. I'll be your lackey; you tell me what to do." It's at the point now where I'm ready to forego any preference a matter just so we can get the project underway. I even went on strike once, sitting on the stairs, refusing to budge until she told me where she wanted me to start working.
But she won't allow that because it's to much a statement of utter incompatibility. She wants me to be involved in making the decision, but to make the right choice: hers.
It sounded to me like, "I like the work you do, David. I want you to do it your way. But can't you do it your way, my way?"
After a second helping of ratatouille, forgetting that I was supposed to play floor hockey this evening, I was feeling pretty stuffed. Add a glass of Chardonnay and you've got instant lethargy.
Ryan (who along with Crystal are the baby gate providers), called around seven thirty to remind me that I was supposed to be there by eight thirty. "Oh no," I thought "only an hour to digest."
Well, seeing as I've sat on my ever-enlarging backside for three months now, eating junk and not exercising one little bit, I thought that I had better not pass up the opportunity to get into a regular game. It went okay, but I really need some regular exercise. I was sucking wind like an asthmatic on a treadmill.
In other news, it turns out I have an interview next week. Julia mass-mailed my résumé to about 150 places today. One place responded right away. We'll see how it goes; not knowing what we're going to do for money is getting uncomfortable. I want to get it straightened out now. I'm sure it will be fine, but being sure isn't the same as being sure.
• • •
Julia and I got into it today. It wasn't so much a fight as an unpleasant discussion.
The problem is that she and I can never agree. Ever. Whether it's how to make dinner or what colours to paint or what is a reasonable amount of money to spend on something, we will not agree. And no amount of debate will resolve it. Hours have passed, afternoons, even entire days have slipped away while we dance with an issue.
This has been an issue especially in how I use my time. Deciding how long something should take is a difficult thing; it doesn't pay to be optimistic in your estimates.
She and I are both so opinionated and those opinions are always, inevitably conflicting. We both assess a situation bearing in mind the asthetic, practicality, time, efficiency, and end-result quality factors, but weigh each of those factors completely differently. In the spectrum of "Good, Cheap and Fast" where you can only choose two, she's cheap and fast, while I'm good and cheap.
Since I hate this so much, the constant wrestling with Julia on every minute detail, I have been inclined of late to say "Fine, you make the decision. I'll be your lackey; you tell me what to do." It's at the point now where I'm ready to forego any preference a matter just so we can get the project underway. I even went on strike once, sitting on the stairs, refusing to budge until she told me where she wanted me to start working.
But she won't allow that because it's to much a statement of utter incompatibility. She wants me to be involved in making the decision, but to make the right choice: hers.
It sounded to me like, "I like the work you do, David. I want you to do it your way. But can't you do it your way, my way?"
Really steamed
Caleb, my good man, who has a knack for long-range detection of potential situations that could possibly involve nudity, worked like a horse to help me haul that sauna back to my house yesterday. Happily, it's in pretty good shape.
It ended up being a huge job. I had hoped we'd be done taking it apart in about two hours, give or take. And, in fact, we had it apart, the six sides of the cube, in two hours ten. But, of course, we couldn't get it up the stairs like that so we had to cut each wall in half; no easy trick. A seven hour day, all totalled.
Trickier still will be the putting back together of those walls. It would be nice to have it together before Julia's parents arrive on Saturday.
And for the record, the only person I expect will ever be naked in there is me.
Caleb, my good man, who has a knack for long-range detection of potential situations that could possibly involve nudity, worked like a horse to help me haul that sauna back to my house yesterday. Happily, it's in pretty good shape.
It ended up being a huge job. I had hoped we'd be done taking it apart in about two hours, give or take. And, in fact, we had it apart, the six sides of the cube, in two hours ten. But, of course, we couldn't get it up the stairs like that so we had to cut each wall in half; no easy trick. A seven hour day, all totalled.
Trickier still will be the putting back together of those walls. It would be nice to have it together before Julia's parents arrive on Saturday.
And for the record, the only person I expect will ever be naked in there is me.
Saturday, December 14, 2002
Ad infinitum
Answer me this. If you went to the store to purchase something, anything, and after you've paid for it you were told, "Oh yes, you can have your product, but before you get it, sit here for twenty minutes or so and watch commercials until we're good and ready to give it to you." How well would that go over?
So why is it that the movie moguls feel they have the right to occupy our time, withholding the product that is rightfully ours, feeding us even more advertising while they hold us hostage? The endless trailers used to be bad enough, but at least it was enticing to be teased with upcoming features. But now, having to sit through straightforward product advertising is over the top; and they're even the same commercials that are on television. It's absurd.
What's even more absurd is that we allow it. We go there and quietly take it, laughing even, while we're being manipulated and taken advantage of. It infuriates me.
What is the easiest way to fight back? Don't go. If we pulled our dollars back, it wouldn't be long before they came to their senses and realized that we have rights; rights that they are infringing upon.
But people wouldn't do that. You couldn't get people to stop going to movies for even a short time. One week would be all that would be needed. If people didn't go to the movies for just one week, it would be a multi-billion dollar hit to the industry, more than enough for them to sit up and take notice. But good luck making it happen. Heaven forbid the masses deny themselves sedation for even a short time.
The romans had it right: bread and circuses, that's all people need to be quiet.
Answer me this. If you went to the store to purchase something, anything, and after you've paid for it you were told, "Oh yes, you can have your product, but before you get it, sit here for twenty minutes or so and watch commercials until we're good and ready to give it to you." How well would that go over?
So why is it that the movie moguls feel they have the right to occupy our time, withholding the product that is rightfully ours, feeding us even more advertising while they hold us hostage? The endless trailers used to be bad enough, but at least it was enticing to be teased with upcoming features. But now, having to sit through straightforward product advertising is over the top; and they're even the same commercials that are on television. It's absurd.
What's even more absurd is that we allow it. We go there and quietly take it, laughing even, while we're being manipulated and taken advantage of. It infuriates me.
What is the easiest way to fight back? Don't go. If we pulled our dollars back, it wouldn't be long before they came to their senses and realized that we have rights; rights that they are infringing upon.
But people wouldn't do that. You couldn't get people to stop going to movies for even a short time. One week would be all that would be needed. If people didn't go to the movies for just one week, it would be a multi-billion dollar hit to the industry, more than enough for them to sit up and take notice. But good luck making it happen. Heaven forbid the masses deny themselves sedation for even a short time.
The romans had it right: bread and circuses, that's all people need to be quiet.
Friday, December 13, 2002
Working stiff
I was keenly aware today that I need a job. Not just any old job, though. I need to be able to be home most of the day. I was hoping that I'd be getting more freelance than I am. I guess I can't just expect it to fall into my lap, can I?
I was checking out elance, a place where designers from around the world can bid on projects, and work remotely. It seems good; there's a lot of work going through it, but it's expensive to be a member, and it takes about 60 days before you start to win jobs. So, that's no short-term solution.
Assessing my vast array of skills and resources, I realized that I am able to: clean pretty well, talk to people nicely, design stuff, write stuff, daydream, and throw spitballs like nobody's business. Now if only someone would pay me 40 or 50 K to hit a moving target at 50 feet...
Well, in the interest of financial rotundity, metaphorically speaking, I ought to check those want ads.
I was keenly aware today that I need a job. Not just any old job, though. I need to be able to be home most of the day. I was hoping that I'd be getting more freelance than I am. I guess I can't just expect it to fall into my lap, can I?
I was checking out elance, a place where designers from around the world can bid on projects, and work remotely. It seems good; there's a lot of work going through it, but it's expensive to be a member, and it takes about 60 days before you start to win jobs. So, that's no short-term solution.
Assessing my vast array of skills and resources, I realized that I am able to: clean pretty well, talk to people nicely, design stuff, write stuff, daydream, and throw spitballs like nobody's business. Now if only someone would pay me 40 or 50 K to hit a moving target at 50 feet...
Well, in the interest of financial rotundity, metaphorically speaking, I ought to check those want ads.
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Momma mia
If you haven't seen O Brother, Where Art Thou? go watch it. No really, just go rent it.
My admiration for the Coen brothers continues to grow. They spin tales of miraculous appeal, and create films that are, in many respects, mesmerizing.
In this one, it's George Clooney as you've never seen him, and John Turturro makes an impressive stab at deadpan comedy. I hear Clooney, Billy Bob and the Brothers are teaming up again next year for another one.
I called it right about that restaurant. We spent about half the day preparing the quote for that bugger, and he took one look at it, said it was way too expensive and said his friend would do it for him for free. God, if he wanted a Word job, I wish he would have told me.
In truth, it's my fault. He doesn't understand why he needs our services, why he can't just get his daughter to print it of his computer at home. It was my job to show him why not and I wasn't able to do that. The quote was well prepared, but our pitch wasn't, I guess. A lesson for next time: show don't tell.
If you haven't seen O Brother, Where Art Thou? go watch it. No really, just go rent it.
My admiration for the Coen brothers continues to grow. They spin tales of miraculous appeal, and create films that are, in many respects, mesmerizing.
In this one, it's George Clooney as you've never seen him, and John Turturro makes an impressive stab at deadpan comedy. I hear Clooney, Billy Bob and the Brothers are teaming up again next year for another one.
• • •
I called it right about that restaurant. We spent about half the day preparing the quote for that bugger, and he took one look at it, said it was way too expensive and said his friend would do it for him for free. God, if he wanted a Word job, I wish he would have told me.
In truth, it's my fault. He doesn't understand why he needs our services, why he can't just get his daughter to print it of his computer at home. It was my job to show him why not and I wasn't able to do that. The quote was well prepared, but our pitch wasn't, I guess. A lesson for next time: show don't tell.
Aging alone
My sister MaryEllen is 35 today. 35 is way up there. She's the first of the second half of kids to cross that line. I callously reminded her of it, so she callously reminded me that in just over 14 months I'll be 30. Trading digs, that's family.
I always used to look around at my peers and know that they were older than me. Now, I'm often surprised to find that they are younger than me; I tend to be the old guy. Caleb, who's 19, is almost a decade younger than me. To think he was born in '83!
Jaime is wickedly smart; we're going to have our hands full I think. She yells and points for stuff, understands most of whats said to her, and plans for things, sometimes doing two, or even three, step actions. It's pretty crazy. Today she had the T.V. remote, and just to see, I asked her, once, to turn off the television. Right away, she did it. She didn't guess or anything, just shut it off. I was pretty surprised. I wasn't even sure that she knew what 'off' was, let alone how to do it.
I'd like to think she gets her smarts from her pop, except that she's so much like her mother's side of the family I doubt she got anything form me.
I discovered U of M radio today. I had heard it before, but was never sure if it actually was a university station. I like it; I was treated to an hour of great, new ambient and electronic.
Better still, I listened while doing the dishes. What you need to know is that in a house with as many people as this, there is precious little in the way of alone time. And for someone who needs a lot, that's pretty tough to deal with. I hadn't realized how bad it's been, and how much I needed it, until I reached a state of practical euphoria doing the dishes, simply due to the fact that I had gotten to spend several hours by myself with some sweet tunes. Maybe I could 'accidentally' lock myself in the basement.
My sister MaryEllen is 35 today. 35 is way up there. She's the first of the second half of kids to cross that line. I callously reminded her of it, so she callously reminded me that in just over 14 months I'll be 30. Trading digs, that's family.
I always used to look around at my peers and know that they were older than me. Now, I'm often surprised to find that they are younger than me; I tend to be the old guy. Caleb, who's 19, is almost a decade younger than me. To think he was born in '83!
• • •
Jaime is wickedly smart; we're going to have our hands full I think. She yells and points for stuff, understands most of whats said to her, and plans for things, sometimes doing two, or even three, step actions. It's pretty crazy. Today she had the T.V. remote, and just to see, I asked her, once, to turn off the television. Right away, she did it. She didn't guess or anything, just shut it off. I was pretty surprised. I wasn't even sure that she knew what 'off' was, let alone how to do it.
I'd like to think she gets her smarts from her pop, except that she's so much like her mother's side of the family I doubt she got anything form me.
• • •
I discovered U of M radio today. I had heard it before, but was never sure if it actually was a university station. I like it; I was treated to an hour of great, new ambient and electronic.
Better still, I listened while doing the dishes. What you need to know is that in a house with as many people as this, there is precious little in the way of alone time. And for someone who needs a lot, that's pretty tough to deal with. I hadn't realized how bad it's been, and how much I needed it, until I reached a state of practical euphoria doing the dishes, simply due to the fact that I had gotten to spend several hours by myself with some sweet tunes. Maybe I could 'accidentally' lock myself in the basement.
Monday, December 09, 2002
Down and out
Tonight I have no radio, and I'm thinking about all the things that are wrong right now.
I just cut my hair, conscious that people considered it "outlandish". It's short and fairly neat now. Still, I got counseled by the elders about it. It was suggested that I look through some of the publications for examples of dress and grooming that would be considered appropriate for a Christian. It made me remember someone's comment one time that when it comes to personal styles "geek is good". I'm not sure I could deal with that.
I have yet to start running again. I can't afford a treadmill and it's -20° in the mornings.
We're quoting a job for the restaurant where Amy is working; they need to redo their menu's, signage, etc. It's cool. Work is always good, but they have no idea about professionalism, image, marketing. Nothing. Plus I'm sure that they have no idea what design services cost, so it's either take a gouging or lose the business.
And I can't keep my eyes open. Blah.
Tonight I have no radio, and I'm thinking about all the things that are wrong right now.
I just cut my hair, conscious that people considered it "outlandish". It's short and fairly neat now. Still, I got counseled by the elders about it. It was suggested that I look through some of the publications for examples of dress and grooming that would be considered appropriate for a Christian. It made me remember someone's comment one time that when it comes to personal styles "geek is good". I'm not sure I could deal with that.
I have yet to start running again. I can't afford a treadmill and it's -20° in the mornings.
We're quoting a job for the restaurant where Amy is working; they need to redo their menu's, signage, etc. It's cool. Work is always good, but they have no idea about professionalism, image, marketing. Nothing. Plus I'm sure that they have no idea what design services cost, so it's either take a gouging or lose the business.
And I can't keep my eyes open. Blah.
Heat of the moment
A baby gate, a gift from a couple we've recently become friends with, leans against the living room wall. The following conversation ensues:
Jordan: "That's not a heat-making machine."
Me: "What?"
"That's not a heat-making machine. Crystal said it was."
Okay, I've been here before. It's kind of fun. Somewhere in that seemingly bizarre statement is a nugget of truth, waiting to be unearthed with a bit of prospecting.
"What exactly did she say about it?"
"She said it was a weird hot something."
Hmm. There's meaning there... searching... something familiar in it... hot, heat-making, warmth, warm...Ahhh.
"She said it was a weird house-warming present?"
"Yeah."
Mystery solved.
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Big picture
Being a kid with a baloon is a wonderful thing.
Tonight, as I listen to a terrific stream of ambient and electronic on a local French indy station, I can't help but think about all the things that are right, right now.
I have no job yet (thought, admitedly, I haven't been looking all that hard), my leave ends soon, and I don't know where the money's going to come from. I'm not worried though. We don't need alot to live on, and Julia has a bit coming in from her training allowance. I have a bit of freelance lined up
and it feels like we're poised on the edge of something big.
Whenever my hair gets too long, I have the urge to go at it with the buzzer. The longer it goes uncut, the stronger the urge gets until, like tonight, I start hacking. It's always a bit of as gamble, but I felt more confident since our bathroom mirrors here can serve as a three-way, something we never had before. I was finally able to see the back and sides properly. It turned out pretty well; I'm happy with it.
Amy had started working at a family-run Italian restaurant. She may not stay with it since "family-run" is typically a euphemism for poorly organized, emotionally charged, and unprofessional. It nice that she's able to have the luxury of just quitting if she feels like it. We've been getting along a bit better over the past few days which relieves a lot of strain. She and I are like oil and water. Or maybe nitro and a match. When we're not getting along, we just hate each other. I'm not sure why our relationship is so volatile; maybe we're too much alike, I don't know.
I got new tires on my car so I don't slide around nearly as much anymore. It's fun again to drive. My block heater is being installed this week.
A couple of weeks ago I received a letter (addressed here of all places!) asking me to file a tax return for 1999. I never did because there was some info I didn't have and it seemed like a huge hassle. It was one of those things that I knew I should do, but didn't since no one was screaming. Now they're screaming. I was pretty sure I would get a refund, but I was worried about Julia's ( I didn't do hers either) since she had been paid on contract and had paid no tax on those earnings. I was worried about a serious hit, possibly in the thousands.
As I went through the process (possible only because of Brian Costello's fantastic website), It looked like the reverse was true. Julia might be getting about $700 back, but I ended up owing over $1700!
Well that wouldn't do, so I went through the process of trying every scenario I could think of, trying to claim every credit available, use every strategy I could devise to get that total down. I finally came upon a scenario where Julia gets her $700 refund and I get about $800 back. It involves refiling for 1998, which they might not allow, and writing off some stuff through the now-defunct business mediaShock. Still if it works, I'll be PDH (pretty damn happy). Do you think they'll allow me to have hired my 2½-year-old son and have paid him 10K for creative input? He really did buy all the groceries that year, honest.
Caleb, presently purple-haired, called today and asked whether we want a sauna. It's funny since I had already considered putting one in. A friend of his is pulling a full, working sauna out of his basement (they're putting in an in-law suite) and will give it to us for free, as long as we come and get it.
I said sure, I'm coming. I love saunas, the heady cedar, the feeling of breathing heaviness, the sleepiness. We had one back at the condo but we never seemed to use it, mostly because it was segregated, guys and girls. Who wants to sit in a sweaty room with some naked guy you don't know?
I've known for a long time that whether a person is happy has a lot to do with their outlook. That's been reaffirmed to me recently as I've gone through the blackness and the return to light. Surely this will not be easy all the time; that's a given. But a keen eye for the positive can smooth an otherwise rough road. In the end, it's you that has to save you.
Being a kid with a baloon is a wonderful thing.
• • •
Tonight, as I listen to a terrific stream of ambient and electronic on a local French indy station, I can't help but think about all the things that are right, right now.
I have no job yet (thought, admitedly, I haven't been looking all that hard), my leave ends soon, and I don't know where the money's going to come from. I'm not worried though. We don't need alot to live on, and Julia has a bit coming in from her training allowance. I have a bit of freelance lined up
and it feels like we're poised on the edge of something big.
Whenever my hair gets too long, I have the urge to go at it with the buzzer. The longer it goes uncut, the stronger the urge gets until, like tonight, I start hacking. It's always a bit of as gamble, but I felt more confident since our bathroom mirrors here can serve as a three-way, something we never had before. I was finally able to see the back and sides properly. It turned out pretty well; I'm happy with it.
Amy had started working at a family-run Italian restaurant. She may not stay with it since "family-run" is typically a euphemism for poorly organized, emotionally charged, and unprofessional. It nice that she's able to have the luxury of just quitting if she feels like it. We've been getting along a bit better over the past few days which relieves a lot of strain. She and I are like oil and water. Or maybe nitro and a match. When we're not getting along, we just hate each other. I'm not sure why our relationship is so volatile; maybe we're too much alike, I don't know.
I got new tires on my car so I don't slide around nearly as much anymore. It's fun again to drive. My block heater is being installed this week.
A couple of weeks ago I received a letter (addressed here of all places!) asking me to file a tax return for 1999. I never did because there was some info I didn't have and it seemed like a huge hassle. It was one of those things that I knew I should do, but didn't since no one was screaming. Now they're screaming. I was pretty sure I would get a refund, but I was worried about Julia's ( I didn't do hers either) since she had been paid on contract and had paid no tax on those earnings. I was worried about a serious hit, possibly in the thousands.
As I went through the process (possible only because of Brian Costello's fantastic website), It looked like the reverse was true. Julia might be getting about $700 back, but I ended up owing over $1700!
Well that wouldn't do, so I went through the process of trying every scenario I could think of, trying to claim every credit available, use every strategy I could devise to get that total down. I finally came upon a scenario where Julia gets her $700 refund and I get about $800 back. It involves refiling for 1998, which they might not allow, and writing off some stuff through the now-defunct business mediaShock. Still if it works, I'll be PDH (pretty damn happy). Do you think they'll allow me to have hired my 2½-year-old son and have paid him 10K for creative input? He really did buy all the groceries that year, honest.
Caleb, presently purple-haired, called today and asked whether we want a sauna. It's funny since I had already considered putting one in. A friend of his is pulling a full, working sauna out of his basement (they're putting in an in-law suite) and will give it to us for free, as long as we come and get it.
I said sure, I'm coming. I love saunas, the heady cedar, the feeling of breathing heaviness, the sleepiness. We had one back at the condo but we never seemed to use it, mostly because it was segregated, guys and girls. Who wants to sit in a sweaty room with some naked guy you don't know?
I've known for a long time that whether a person is happy has a lot to do with their outlook. That's been reaffirmed to me recently as I've gone through the blackness and the return to light. Surely this will not be easy all the time; that's a given. But a keen eye for the positive can smooth an otherwise rough road. In the end, it's you that has to save you.
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
No bills
Thursday is Julia's last day of classes in her self-employment assistance program. It's been 8 intensive weeks leading up to the completion of our business plan, now a 30-page document. It's like a thesis.
To me the business plan isn't that important (I know that sounds naive, but...). I only care about it from the perspective of financing. We need a good plan in order to get the start-up money we need. beyond that... Meh... I don't care so much. So much will be unpredictable, so much will be improvised that I don't think that plan will help much. But it will get us our money; and that's a good thing.
The lap of luxury isn't quite ready for us yet, though. The plan shows us not even drawing a salary for the first year. Oh well.
Thursday is Julia's last day of classes in her self-employment assistance program. It's been 8 intensive weeks leading up to the completion of our business plan, now a 30-page document. It's like a thesis.
To me the business plan isn't that important (I know that sounds naive, but...). I only care about it from the perspective of financing. We need a good plan in order to get the start-up money we need. beyond that... Meh... I don't care so much. So much will be unpredictable, so much will be improvised that I don't think that plan will help much. But it will get us our money; and that's a good thing.
The lap of luxury isn't quite ready for us yet, though. The plan shows us not even drawing a salary for the first year. Oh well.
Monday, December 02, 2002
Cold feet
It's cold today. Not chilly, or cool; it's absurdly, stupidly, cold.
We had the dubious distinction of being the coldest major centre in Canada south of the arctic circle today. It was -20° C. Amy's car just gave up; it refused to start. She tried to get it to turn over and it just said "What? Are you crazy?". It shivered and tried to crawl under a blanket.
This is the kind of cold where everything feels brittle, as if it could shatter at any moment.
What happened to this being an El Niño winter? It's been well below the supposed average for this time of year.
Today, after finally getting Manitoba driver's licenses, we stopped at Canadian Tire to price block heaters. They'll be installed on Wednesday. I only hope that my car will still start in order to get it there. It's going to be even colder tonight.
We were warned; we can't say we weren't. And we were prepared for it. Still, it's a shocker.
It's cold today. Not chilly, or cool; it's absurdly, stupidly, cold.
We had the dubious distinction of being the coldest major centre in Canada south of the arctic circle today. It was -20° C. Amy's car just gave up; it refused to start. She tried to get it to turn over and it just said "What? Are you crazy?". It shivered and tried to crawl under a blanket.
This is the kind of cold where everything feels brittle, as if it could shatter at any moment.
What happened to this being an El Niño winter? It's been well below the supposed average for this time of year.
Today, after finally getting Manitoba driver's licenses, we stopped at Canadian Tire to price block heaters. They'll be installed on Wednesday. I only hope that my car will still start in order to get it there. It's going to be even colder tonight.
We were warned; we can't say we weren't. And we were prepared for it. Still, it's a shocker.
Heart picks
Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?
If you had asked me when I was seventeen, I would have told you no. If you had asked me at twenty-three, I would have told you no. But ask me today, and I will answer yes.
I used to deny the concept of being in love. I would say that there is one love, which you either feel or you don't. I thought that anyone caught up in the idea of being "in love" was just romanticizing the whole thing and falling prey to stereotypes and cliches. I thought that you would feel that same about everyone that you love, although there might be different intensities of that feeling.
But now I feel disagree with my former self. We've debated it, he and I, and have reached a consensus: how you feel about your mate is a singular emotion. This is, in part, because you, the person, is partially defined by who you have chosen to love. (I say choose to love because I do believe that it's a choice, it's not pre-ordained, nor is there only one love per person. I believe that you can commit yourself to anyone, and when you do make that commitment, you have to choose each day to honor it and continue loving that one. However, that in itself is a whole other topic.) Not because other people define you by your mate; they will, to a degree, but that's not why. It's because you make a judgement of yourself by who you have chosen.
To love someone, requires nothing from them. Genuine love is not determined by whether it's reciprocated. It's based on independent observation, approval, respect and admiration.
But being in love requires much more. The person that you are in love with is the person that you are saying you have chosen, out of all the people available to you to choose, as the one person you most admire, most respect, most enjoy spending time with. In your eyes this person is the best person of all the people you know, or at least those available to choose as mates. It means that everything that that person represents, their morals, their beliefs, their personality, their life choices, are ones that you most identify with and approve of.
And being in love requires that those feelings are reciprocated. If they are not, those feelings simply recede again into admiration, or develop into one-sided infatuation.
It's when you really, truly get to know a person, intimately, better than you know yourself, that it becomes difficult. Maybe you don't respect as much; maybe you don't admire as much. What then? That's when you choose.
No one said it was easy.
Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?
If you had asked me when I was seventeen, I would have told you no. If you had asked me at twenty-three, I would have told you no. But ask me today, and I will answer yes.
I used to deny the concept of being in love. I would say that there is one love, which you either feel or you don't. I thought that anyone caught up in the idea of being "in love" was just romanticizing the whole thing and falling prey to stereotypes and cliches. I thought that you would feel that same about everyone that you love, although there might be different intensities of that feeling.
But now I feel disagree with my former self. We've debated it, he and I, and have reached a consensus: how you feel about your mate is a singular emotion. This is, in part, because you, the person, is partially defined by who you have chosen to love. (I say choose to love because I do believe that it's a choice, it's not pre-ordained, nor is there only one love per person. I believe that you can commit yourself to anyone, and when you do make that commitment, you have to choose each day to honor it and continue loving that one. However, that in itself is a whole other topic.) Not because other people define you by your mate; they will, to a degree, but that's not why. It's because you make a judgement of yourself by who you have chosen.
To love someone, requires nothing from them. Genuine love is not determined by whether it's reciprocated. It's based on independent observation, approval, respect and admiration.
But being in love requires much more. The person that you are in love with is the person that you are saying you have chosen, out of all the people available to you to choose, as the one person you most admire, most respect, most enjoy spending time with. In your eyes this person is the best person of all the people you know, or at least those available to choose as mates. It means that everything that that person represents, their morals, their beliefs, their personality, their life choices, are ones that you most identify with and approve of.
And being in love requires that those feelings are reciprocated. If they are not, those feelings simply recede again into admiration, or develop into one-sided infatuation.
It's when you really, truly get to know a person, intimately, better than you know yourself, that it becomes difficult. Maybe you don't respect as much; maybe you don't admire as much. What then? That's when you choose.
No one said it was easy.
It's not word, but it's a state of mind.
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