Vacuosity

Untying the knot

I'm single now, officially single. The Judge signed our papers yesterday morning at approximately 10:48. That dude has the power to nullify 16 years of marriage with his signature.

It was kind of a strange situation. The courtroom we were in was for uncontested divorces (among other things) so there wasn't a lot of tension in that room. Just a few couples like us, amicable toward each other, just happy to be finalizing things. One couple nearly danced out the door when the Judge announced their divorce was granted. I wouldn't have been surprised to learn that they had gone directly for a celebratory drink together.

For us, things went smoothly. It was a bit of a process, but I had filed everything correctly. One woman there (whose case was admittedly much more complex than ours) had a lawyer who seemed completely incompetent. They didn't even have a divorce judgement for the Judge to sign (meaning she couldn't get her divorce that day), and a bunch of other loose ends. The Judge was very nice though and watched over the proceedings with a sort of amused benevolence. But if I had paid for a lawyer and that was the kind of service I got, I would be less than amused.

I wasn't expecting to take the stand, but as it turned out, I had to. It was a very simple process, after being affirmed (rather than swearing on the Bible) I had to answer a few simple questions about who had prepared the documents, whether they were current and true, etc. But then he asked about child support. I explained that Julia was paying the table amount. He asked how much. Not being a detail sort of guy, I didn't know the exact amount. I looked over to Julia who mouthed it to me. I answered. Then he asked what that was based on, what was her salary. Again, I didn't know. I didn't know I was supposed to have this stuff memorized. I looked over to Julia again and she mouthed it again. He told me that I had to answer on my own, I couldn't look to her. Fortunately, I had caught what she said and pretended to think deeply about the answer and finally came up with it. That was it. I was excused.

Then it was Julia's turn to take the stand. I nearly died when Julia walked up, but realized that she didn't need to bring her purse, then handed it to me in passing. Almost 3 years after our separation, we're in divorce court, and I'm holding her purse. Yep, that about sums it up. I took it on one finger and held it like a thing diseased, then unceremoniously deposited it on the counter. I think it came off more a-holeish than I intended but it just happened that way.

It was like a mini synopsis of our marriage. Julia's making unusual demands and impositions and my doing it grudgingly, while being surly and generally unpleasant about the whole thing.

As I've always said, I wouldn't have chosen for things to have gone this way. But, now that they have, I'm not sorry that that chapter of my life is over. There's still time to write a better, happier ending. But that doesn't mean running out and looking for love right away. The Bible is right when it says (loosely interpreted) that people who are single wish they were married and people who are married wish they were single. I think whether your ending is a happy one has a lot to do with how content you can be with the here and now.

Labels: divorce court, irony, marriage

posted by David @ 10:44 a.m.