I just realized that my most recent post is missing...not sure what happened.
• • •
"I know what it felt like when you first got married," says Jordan to me, out of nowhere. "You, you were embarassed. And everyone else was kind of anxious."
"That's pretty accurate," I say. "Though, self-conscious might be a better word." And I was. How could I not be conscious of everyone's anxiety, as well as the judgements being made about a young couple with the cards stacked against them? (I distinctly remember being told by a close family member: "There's no way in hell this marriage is going to work.")
We talked about that briefly over our Tim Hortons sandwiches. I try not to question too much where those little insights come from. I don't want to draw attention to them; I try to just let him be. I marvel silently (and sometimes no-so-silently). I wish I had viewing rights to that mind of his. I'd love to witness the process that leads up the hilarious, incredulous things that he unleashes at that unexpected moment.
• • •
I was really sick yesterday. My lost post said that in the morning my feelings toward my stomach were something akin to how you might feel about your best friend if the two of you were having a fight. We both wanted to make up, we just needed something to break the ice.
As it turns out, it was worse than that. I couldn't eat much all day for fear of a full-scale rebellion. Unfortunately, I couldn't leave work either. In fact, despite the fact that I was working hard to go home early, I was there until about a quarter to eight.
When I came home, I had to lie down. I had the chills, and everything ached; even my teeth. I hate that flu feeling where your muscles are tired even when you're just lying there. I don't get sick often, but when I do, I can't stand it.
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