Vacuosity

Could I eat that?

The money situation is becoming a bit desperate now. We're not going to starve or anything, but it's really time to find a little bit of income. There may not be a mortgage to worry about but there are creditors just the same.

And we need to do some grocery shopping, although Julia's cheque doesn't come until tomorrow. The food in the house is at that point where there's still lots to eat, but most of it takes work and it isn't really appealing anyway. I end up staring into the fridge, looking for what, I'm not sure. I'll give up and walk away only to return 5 minutes later, looking again, as if the fridge has miraculously been filled with delicious tidbits in the meantime.

It doesn't help that I've finally decided that I've got to take a strong stance against my ever-growing waistline. I've really packed it on lately, so we're going to be on a strict 'healthy food only' diet. It's at the point where far too great a percentage of my clothes don't fit at all, let alone properly. But we're not prepared for that yet, with good, low-fat, low-cal, snacking foods, so I continue to rummage, hoping to turn up something that I can eat with a clean conscience.

We're at a standstill lately with everything. I can't believe that we've been here three months already and I've accomplished virtually nothing on the house, with the exception of an almost-complete sauna in the basement. There's so much to do for the business and it doesn't seem like that's moving either. Even just keeping up with the household stuff, like dishes, laundry and cleaning, seems insurmountable. I'm not sure what the problem is, but if we can't shake this lethargy soon we'll be destitute. Or at least no better off than we are now.

This whole venture, adventure, or misadventure, whatever it is, is harder than I could have anticipated. It's been tough on all of us, in ways that are difficult to pinpoint specifically. We're all emotionally volatile. Two days ago Jordan was lying on our bed sobbing for the loss of his old friend Joshua Young, complete with incoherent babbling. On any given day you're just as likely to find one of us chipper and peppy as miserable and depressed. I can't even say why exactly.

It seems so trite so wrap it all up in the cozy blanket of "Well, there's a lot things to get used to. Moving is hard, new city, blah, blah." I want to define it. What is hard? Why is it hard? What takes getting used to? How can we deal with it? Not this ambiguous unproductive slump that can't be measured or explained. It's like fighting an invisible enemy. No fair, play nice.

I guess it's not much wonder we've all had our share of comfort foods.

posted by David @ 9:52 p.m.