Stop SOPA
It's as simple as that. It needs to be stopped. It's absurdly invasive censorship.
One of many, many articles on the topic:
Stop SOPA Also, Google search
Michael Geist and SOPA. Incredible, eye-opening stuff.
Labels: Stop SOPA Stop Online PIracy Act
Happiness 2.0
I've been giving some thought to happiness lately, and I think I have to redefine it.
What does being happy mean for me these days? I'm not sure yet, but I know it means letting go of old dreams and making new ones. Also, not regretting the past (or at least not allowing that regret to overshadow new opportunities) and still growing as a person.
Short story: I really like the sport of Parkour (or Freerunning. Youtube it, and you'll know what I mean). I liked it way before I even knew it had a name. There's a group that meets down at the Forks and trains in a gym in the South end. I told the guy who leads the group that I love the sport but hate the fact that I know I'm too old for it. Truthfully, it bothers me quite a bit. He said, "Well, you can always better than you are right now."
There's a lot of truth in that. Improvements, no matter how small, are something to be proud of and enjoy, even just within yourself. Even if no one else knows.
I think that's where self-esteem comes from. Not in just accepting yourself as you are, (there's some of that), but more from making incremental changes that make you better, and allowing yourself to feel proud of that. Yes, self-esteem is graded on a curve, but the curve isn't against everyone else. It's against yourself.
And happiness isn't just contentment. It's a complex and fragile concoction of contentment, acceptance, realism, love, pride and hope.
Labels: happiness, self-esteem
Untying the knot
I'm single now, officially single. The Judge signed our papers yesterday morning at approximately 10:48. That dude has the power to nullify 16 years of marriage with his signature.
It was kind of a strange situation. The courtroom we were in was for uncontested divorces (among other things) so there wasn't a lot of tension in that room. Just a few couples like us, amicable toward each other, just happy to be finalizing things. One couple nearly danced out the door when the Judge announced their divorce was granted. I wouldn't have been surprised to learn that they had gone directly for a celebratory drink together.
For us, things went smoothly. It was a bit of a process, but I had filed everything correctly. One woman there (whose case was admittedly much more complex than ours) had a lawyer who seemed completely incompetent. They didn't even have a divorce judgement for the Judge to sign (meaning she couldn't get her divorce that day), and a bunch of other loose ends. The Judge was very nice though and watched over the proceedings with a sort of amused benevolence. But if I had paid for a lawyer and that was the kind of service I got, I would be less than amused.
I wasn't expecting to take the stand, but as it turned out, I had to. It was a very simple process, after being affirmed (rather than swearing on the Bible) I had to answer a few simple questions about who had prepared the documents, whether they were current and true, etc. But then he asked about child support. I explained that Julia was paying the table amount. He asked how much. Not being a detail sort of guy, I didn't know the exact amount. I looked over to Julia who mouthed it to me. I answered. Then he asked what that was based on, what was her salary. Again, I didn't know. I didn't know I was supposed to have this stuff memorized. I looked over to Julia again and she mouthed it again. He told me that I had to answer on my own, I couldn't look to her. Fortunately, I had caught what she said and pretended to think deeply about the answer and finally came up with it. That was it. I was excused.
Then it was Julia's turn to take the stand. I nearly died when Julia walked up, but realized that she didn't need to bring her purse, then handed it to me in passing. Almost 3 years after our separation, we're in divorce court, and I'm holding her purse. Yep, that about sums it up. I took it on one finger and held it like a thing diseased, then unceremoniously deposited it on the counter. I think it came off more a-holeish than I intended but it just happened that way.
It was like a mini synopsis of our marriage. Julia's making unusual demands and impositions and my doing it grudgingly, while being surly and generally unpleasant about the whole thing.
As I've always said, I wouldn't have chosen for things to have gone this way. But, now that they have, I'm not sorry that that chapter of my life is over. There's still time to write a better, happier ending. But that doesn't mean running out and looking for love right away. The Bible is right when it says (loosely interpreted) that people who are single wish they were married and people who are married wish they were single. I think whether your ending is a happy one has a lot to do with how content you can be with the here and now.
Labels: divorce court, irony, marriage
Ode to the unnamed meat
I found this random little ditty from Jaimeson on a piece of paper. I think she was hungry...
Sitting in the fridge is a very good meat
There must be a way to eat it
Asking to be eaten
Kicking the door to get out
Eat me says the meat
Why do feel the urge for a thick rare steak?
Why I love Gogol Bordello
I thought I should take a moment to write why I love Gogol Bordello so much. It's a little hard to understand and even harder to explain, but here goes.
First of all, Gogol Bordello was one of the first shows that I saw in Winnipeg. It started a habit that has given me so many great experiences since then. And that first show was a revelation. Here was a relatively unknown band, that I personally had never heard of, that played something they call "Gypsy Punk". What that is, in reality, is a frenetic blend of Old World music fused with modern instruments and styles. That's a pretty weak explanation though, and doesn't do it justice.
That show was at the old West End, so it was only 300 or 400 people packed into a tiny room. The vibe was extraordinary. That concert lives on as one of the greatest shows I've ever seen. To top it off, I met a few people that night who I'm still friends with. And that's one of the great things about Gogol Brodello: it's a tremendously bonding experience. How many times we've talked about that show since, I don't even know. But that is something that I share with this group of people. I know that they love them as much as I do and that unites us.
But there's a more personal meaning for me too. I've listened to the album Underdog World Strike countless numbers of times by myself, but what's more is that the kids and I have listened to it together almost as much. Driving to Banff and back, we probably heard the album at least 10 times, and so many times since then. I was amazed and surprised that they liked it too, especially not having seen that first show, but they did and that was something that we shared during those endless hours on the road, just the three of us. So, when I heard the group were coming back, I knew we had to go.
And this show was everything I hoped it would be. The energy was incredible. I just can't grasp how some people could simply sit and watch as if they were at the symphony. It's not that kind of music. It's a get up, dance and scream your head off kind of music.
The lead singer wears a very uncool sort of Euro-trash moustache that has become a sort of trademark. His English is a little broken, but that just adds to its charm. One of the better known songs is entitled "Undestructable". I'm sure that, by now, he knows that the proper English word is "indestructible", but the song remains the same, as it should. He's not a particularly good singer either, but what he lacks in technique he more than supplies in effort, and this too, just makes the whole thing better.
As we were leaving, I overheard one older gentleman say, "It makes my Slavic blood boil!" My thought in response was that the music makes Slavic blood boil in all of us. I wanted to understand why the music seems to transcend both age and nationality. I think that it has a lot to do with their raw, unbridled energy. The band was fuller and tighter this time around, but even if it wasn't, that would have been fine. You're carried into this realm of furious violin, infectious, pounding rhythms and relentless guitars. There's a heavy Eastern European influence in the music, especially in the violin, which lends the 'Gypsy' feel. As you listen, you know you are alive.
The lyrics, while drawing very much from the personal experiences of Eugene Hütz, the frontman, are strangely universal, too. If nothing else, you're reminded of your humanity as he sings about happiness, despair, alienation, sex, hope, life, freedom, and hard-won experience, all while being completely unafraid of admitting just who he is. This, of course, is beyond the kids, but you don't need to understand it to appreciate it. It resonates throughout the music on a visceral level.
The back of my new t-shirt from the show says "Live from the intersection of all dimentions" and I think that pretty much sums it up.
Labels: Bands, concerts, Gogol Bordello, reviews, shows
Synechdoche, New York
So, once again, Charlie Kaufman blows my mind.
Last night I watched Synechdoche, New York, the latest movie from Writer, Producer and now first-time Director, Charlie Kaufman. And I feel dumb. It makes me glad that I opted for the no-late-fee rental at Blockbuster, because I'm going to need to watch it a couple more times, at least. Kaufman's work is so intricate, so brilliantly crafted, that it operates on a level that's beyond me. I'll need to digest it some more to even begin piecing it together.
I have been a fan of him ever since Being John Malkovich. It was so original, so unlike the typical Hollywood fare, it was like a revelation. And he hasn't disappointed through the others of his that I've seen. But I think that Synechdoche, NY may just be his most brilliant yet.
Strangely, most of the response from Cannes last year was negative. But I can't understand that. Either the critics didn't understand the movie (quite likely) or they don't understand Kaufman (also likely). And it's true that with this movie you have to wait longer for that beautiful Kaufman-esque strangeness, and it's not as overt as in his other films, but it's well worth the wait.
It begins in typical movie fashion, setting up the life of these characters. I won't go into detail; just watch the trailer. And, if you don't have a little patience or you're not interested in fine nuances, one might get bored here (personally, I could watch Phillip Seymour Hoffman do nothing on-screen but eat his lunch, and I would be entranced). It's not until about 30 minutes in that we get a taste of that great surrealist slant that Kaufman put on his films, as one of the characters looks at buying a house, and talks through her fears about buying on her own. Can she afford it? Can she maintain it? She's afraid of dying in the fire. By the way, the house she's considering is actively on fire as she walks through it with her agent.
The real strangeness gets underway as the main character, Caden Cotard, tries to mount a massive play, something important, that speaks an ultimate truth. He rents a huge warehouse in New York and begins to recreate elements of his life, constructing sets of all the places and buildings these things occur. This continues until there is more-or-less a complete New York City constructed inside this warehouse (full-size, mind you), which includes, of course, a replica of the of the very same warehouse.
Well, as the play progresses, Caden realizes the need to have someone play him. Who volunteers but a man who claims to know him intimately because he's been watching him for the past 20 years. It's not until the second viewing that you'll realize that he is, in fact, in the frame occasionally, watching Caden, during the beginning part of the movie.
Work on this play continues for several decades, with thousands of people "playing the part" of New Yorkers continually, living their lives, having relationships, growing old, and eventually dying. Death, ironically, was the original theme of this play.
The major part of this story is Caden's relationships with women in his life. He loves 3 women and because of this, eventually ruins all 3 relationships. These women are, of course, in the play, and Caden directs their relationships with his protagonist, himself. However, in order to achieve authenticity, Caden needs to represent where most of his energy has been expended in the past 30 years, which is the play itself. So, we need to see the actor who plays Caden, direct a massive play, so actors are hired to play the actors who are playing the real people. They all work in that replica giant warehouse, mounting a huge production, which includes a life-sized set of New York City, including a giant warehouse in which people are, presumably, building a set of New York City. How many times this box-in-a-box-in-a-box goes on, we don't know.
There is so much more I could tell about the film, but it's better experienced than told. I haven't even registered all the detail, much less understood it. Safe to say, the film succeeds where Caden's play fails: in being brutal, honest and important. To me, the test of whether a film is good or not, is whether I think about it afterward, or it leaves any lasting impression on me. The critics who spoke about the film on the DVD were influenced very powerfully. Some even said that the spent a week or two in a depression after watching it a few times. I've never heard of a film being that influential.
But structure is where Kaufman's films diverge from the norm. Some say that they have no structure, but Kaufman disagrees. By his own admission, however, he doesn't follow the typical 3-act structure of 98% of the films out there. He says he just disagrees that there's only one way to write a movie.
I am amazed that he can include so much in his films. One of the commentators paralleled the Cotard character with the Jungian theory on personality development. And there really was a relationship to each stage. I'm left wondering if that's coincidental because the character is so fully realized, or was it intentional on Kaufman's part? How does he know so much? At the same time, the emotions experienced by his characters are so accurate and true to life, it seems he has the insight of a hundred lifetimes.
Well, my writing here is inconsistent and rambling, but that's how my understanding is at the moment. Hopefully I have conveyed some of the brilliance in this piece. It's the best I can do with the collected pieces of a blown mind.
Labels: Charlie Kaufman, I love Charlie Kaufman, Movie review, New York, Synechdoche
Sour Apples
We all love the Mac, right? I mean, it's so COOL!
Apple basically defined the look of a generation, both on the internet and off of it. The ubiquitous web 2.0 glassy button look all came from OSX, and the translucent plastic phenomenon ran across the hemisphere in product development.
Their trendsetting advertising clearly states what Mac lovers already know. Macs are awesome. The Mac is totally cool, and by extension, its users are cool, too. Apple's products are futuristic. We are the literati of the technological world.
It is the distant future. It is the year 2000.
Almost a decade later, where does Apple stand? I have to say, this apple has lost its sheen. And it needs more than a polish it on your sleeve kind of fix.
My own experience with my Apple eMac, has been disappointing, to say the least. I have had my white eMac for about 6 years now. What seemed mind-blowingly futuristic when I first got it, seems dated and passé now. That's the way of technology, though. I don't blame Apple for that.
I do blame Apple for the fact that my system seems to be slowly deconstructing itself. The OS is systematically breaking apart and the hardware is failing, conveniently after my pricey 5-year Applecare warranty has expired.
It seems to me that the change in Apple began around the time of the decision to go with Intel Processors. I don't know what drove that decision. I also didn't understand the implications at the time. But, what it meant was that Apple summarily rejected all previous users, anyone who owned a pre-Intel system. No, they didn't stop supporting these systems entirely. Apple is way to smart for that. But they knew that the OS/hardware pairing would quickly exclude pre-Intelers from the party. Quite frankly, as a quiet guy in the corner, not making any trouble, I don't feel too good about being asked to leave.
It began with an iPod, actually. I connected a friend's Nano, only to learn that it wouldn't connect to my OS 10.3. No problem, I'll upgrade it. Oh, wait. 10.4 will only run on Intel machines.
What about other software? Nope. Things like Adobe's Creative Suite won't run on 10.3 either. The list of uses for my eMac grows shorter. I'm left with a system that I can't upgrade, that is being left behind by developers.
What about the internet? I do most of my work on the PC anyway, what about just having another internet kiosk for the kids? Forget it. The internet didn't work on my Mac at the best of times. Now, it's ridiculous. Even standard CSS sites have some trouble with layering and such. Forget more complex sites with Java or ActiveX controls. I had a good laugh when Apple released the Safari browser for the PC. I thought, "Why not make it work on your own OS before you try someone else's?" What a joke. It looks like our most common use for this monstrosity, watching Youtube, may soon become defunct, too. Some video is now available only in Flash 10, which, once again, is unavailable to users of anything less than 10.4. It appears that this white piece of plastic is nothing more than a gigantic paperweight, and I don't even use paper anymore. I'm seriously wondering if it's even worth bringing when we move.
It goes deeper, though, than my own personal bitterness about a poor computer-buying decision. Apple's operating philosophy has gotten away from it's user-centric core. They were rated as the most "closed" system recently (I forget who by. It's a blog, not an editorial. Shut up.) in a time when open, user-generated content, collaborative communities and open source code are growing more popular than ever.
They now offer iTunes Plus content without Digital Rights Management, when it quickly became obvious that they shouldn't have included it in the first place. I have the privilege of paying an additional 30% to use the content I buy any way I please. Well, that's gracious of you, Apple.
The 'jailbreak" of the 3G iPhone proves that the public doesn't want the kind of restrictions that Apple intends to put on its technology and content.
Apple is not ahead of the curve any longer. Other developers have great products that put them neck-and-neck with Apple's. Check out the latest from Blackberry, Microsoft and Creative, if you don't believe me. Feature-rich and competitively priced, while none of these are the iPhone or iPod Touch "killer", they definitely remove Apple from being the default choice. We're back to an equal market where you have to know your needs and wants, and research which product best meets them. That's a great for consumers, and less great for Apple.
Ultimately, that might be what drives them back to the origin of Apple's success, superior products and unparalleled consumer confidence and loyalty. Then Apple's claims to greatness in its advertising will sound much less like the hollow hyperbole it does now.
But for now, looking at my Apple, I have that sickening feeling of seeing only half a worm.Labels: Apple blows, Apple sucks, can't upgrade, eMac
Everything I know about life I learned from playing Megam
1. Sometimes, standing still is your best option.
When you have no idea what's going on, take a second and watch what happens.
2. Watch the little guys.
Just because they're cute, ir doesn't mean they don't bite.
3. You'll always do better the second time.
You're going to get screwed over... just try not to get suckered by the same thing twice.
4. Charge headlong all full speed.
Yeah, you take some bruises, but you usually get farther.
5. Don't fall into bottomless pits.
Okay, there may not be a real world application here, but if there WERE any bottomless pits, then this would be really good advice.
6. Perseverance pays off.
If you stick with it, stuff that seems impossible, eventually becomes doable. If you're lucky it even becomes easy.
7. Use your enemies' weapons against them.
Just don't try one on the same guy you got it from. He knows that trick already.
8. Keep your classic blue suit.
You might stray, try on different colours and styles, but you'll always come back to what works.
9. Your biggest battles are always ridiculously unfair.
Your opponent is bigger, stronger, and way better-funded. And he cheats. But you can beat him anyway.
10. Rehabilitation doesn't work.
No matter how much someone evil promises that they will change, don't believe them.
Food Matters
I was very suprised to see Mark Bittman as a guest on The Colbert Report yesterday.
I have a cookbook by him, called 'How to Cook Everything'. And it really is an exhaustive, encyclopedic look at cooking, well, everything. I love it. It's my trusted guide whenever I need some direction in the kitchen. I have learned so much about food from this book. Just reading it (and you can actually read it, it's not just crammed full of recipes) shows you the incredible insight this man has into food; how it tastes, how different foods interact, how foods behaves depending on what you do to it. I am constantly in awe of his knowledge.
That's why I was extremely excited to learn that he has a new book out, "Food Matters".
This book looks at how the way we eat affects our lives and the world around us. It examines how our dependence on beef and other livestock, as well as processed foods is killing us and the planet. For example, did you know that if Americans ate just 3 oz. of beef less per week, that would equate to taking all of the SUVs in America off the road (in terms of greenhouse gas production).
But it's not just a manifesto. He offers practical recipes that claim to save you money, go easier on the planet, and help you lose weight. It might sound like another empty promise, but from what I know of his previous work, I'm willing to bet there's a lot of truth in what he says.
And anyway, I know it's all going to be delicious.
Need to get a real job...
Working on resume and web site. Maybe wasting my time... dunno.
Amazed and pleased to find the blog still exists. Many memories, but can't read them now.
Work Dammit!
The Return of Emptiness
Wow, the blog is still here. That's great. I had tried to log in a few months ago and couldn't, so I assumed that the account had been closed due to inactivity. I was lamenting all those lost posts.
But hey! Vacuosity exists. For those of you who don't know, "vacuosity" is the actual name of the blog, not Acuo. Acuo was the domain I had for a while, but has now been co-opted by some business-degree, project management blowhard trying to look like a hotshot: www.acuo.net. I'm not bitter though.
I would update you on all that's transpired in the past year, or whatever it's been since I was posting regularly, but it's late, I have a cold, and I have to get up in the morning. Maybe we'll just consider it a wash, say I was in a 12-month coma, and start fresh. Deal?
Sugar and spice
So I thought it might be time for another Jaime update, seeing as it's been forever since I've written about her, she’s changed so much, and I have such a horrible memory that I need to get some of this stuff down or I never remember.
She is about 151/2 months old right now, and truth be told, not all nice. She is, though, probably the funniest toddler I have ever known. I say that with an admitted bias. Kids are always funnier, more expressive when they’re at home and comfortable, plus you spend way more time with your own kids, so your far more likely to catch them at their best.
And Jaime’s best is pretty good. She knows all the parts of her body now, and I mean everything, thumb, bum, belly, chin, teeth... you name it, she’s knows it. Also she really likes to roughhouse. I was swinging Jordan around today, and she was screaming with delight and wanted her turn. She would be furious when I’d out her down. But she understood what taking turns meant and waited patiently on her chair for Jordan to have his turn, though she was right back over the minute I set him down. I would make her say “Up” before I’d pick her up. “Hup, hup” then kill herself laughing.
Her vocabulary is growing too. Some of her words are: Hot, hat, head (what’s with the H’s?) dat (that) and others that I can think of right now.
If I said before that she understands what is said to her, it’s even more so now. It’s deeper things though, and she fully understands. I can ask her whether she wants something, without even having it to show her, and she’ll decide.
We were in the living room today. She had finished her drinking box, and was trying to get help getting that last bit out (the part you can never get that drives you crazy). I asked her if she wanted some milk instead. She shook her head no. She really wanted the juice. I told her to give me the box and I would go get her another. She gave me the box and I asked if she wanted apple juice. She nods yes. It felt really strange to be having this fully comprehensive interchange with a supposed baby (who’s no baby but wasn’t she just?).
She can follow multiple step instructions now and she really tries to clean up a lot. If she spills, she’ll go and get a cloth to wipe it up without even being asked or telling anyone what happened. Her ability is lacking but the intent is there.
Also, we really have to be the lookout now because she’s at that “putting” phase where things end up in the strangest places. Several times I’ve found facecloths in the garbage after she was done with them. I found her socks stuffed inside a vase, and toys in the laundry hamper. All around the house are things placed just so, and it can only be one person. At present a Hot Wheels car is “parked” on the foot of the dining room table. I know this is normal kid stuff but it’s fascinating. What makes her do it? What’s her reasoning?
Also, like Jordan at this age, she gets upset when I have to leave for work. She’ll do the “pick me up” routine because “as long as I’m being held you can’t go anywhere, or at least if you do, you’re taking me with you.” Then everything is intensely interesting, her hand, her shirt, let’s go there, let’s go here, anything as long as you keep holding me. It’s both funny and heartbreaking.
She can, of course, walk all around by herself, stand up from lying down, climb down from the bed and couch, so many things.
She’s been mean too. She’s taking to pinching Jordan’s cheeks really hard. If you scold her she’ll put her head right down on her chest, looking forlorn, even cry, but 10 seconds later she’s trying to get him again. And at the meeting, don’t even get me started about the book study. There, she’s phenomenally bad, there’s no other word for it. She delights in making noise and being funny, once I had to bury my face in my arms and hide behind the other attendees because I was laughing so hard. My eyes were streaming.
And, of course, she wants to do everything that Jordan does. If he’s playing with it, she wants it. If he’s doing it, she has to try. Video games, she’ll take the controller. If he’s climbing on me, she’s got to too. That boy has an admirer for life.
Well, I’m out for now. Suffice to say that she’s an incredible girl, who leaves me in amazement at her every day. I can only imagine what she’ll become. Actually, the truth is I can’t imagine it, I’ll just have to wait and see.
Flying
So yesterday was the first time I attempted to ride to work. It's only about 20-25 Km away, out by the airport, but it was a really long ride for an out of shape dude with no experience with the prairie winds. I clearly did not appreciate what riding on an entirely open road, in the middle of the plains could be like. I literally had to lean sideways into the wind, just to stay upright. That, of course, was during the short period where I wasn't riding directly into the wind.
The whole trip took to work took about 75 minutes. The trip home, however, with the 60 Kph wind at my back took only about 45. That was awesome.
Riding like that, where you're cruising along, doing 40 or 45 Kpm, and and barely working at it, is what sucks you in. It's like that one sweet golf shot you made that felt perfect and let you putt in for a birdie. It makes you fall in love, but that jealous, possessive kind, and you spend the rest of your time trying to get back to that one moment.
So, as if there's any question, yes, I'm riding again tomorrow.
Anxiety and angst
I am having my lunch, a burger and salad from George’s BBQ. I drove there in my car, windows open, music blaring. Spring is here and the air is vibrant with freshness, fecundity and life. The sun is strong. It’s a beautiful day.
These are the things I experience while the coalition delivers “Shock and Awe” upon the people of Iraq.
I can almost not take it. There’s a fury inside me that rails against the injustice of it. Soldiers of the Iraqi army surrender, knowing there’s no hope. Even then, it’s too late. Now the Coalition is in full obliteration mode.
They claim that they are concerned about collateral damage and not harming civilians, but when the citizens have no choice but to fight, they’re all collateral.
I hate this world, a world where this can be allowed to happen. A world where we are powerless to stop the inevitable force of a government bent on domination. A world where an entire nation, and supposedly impartial media, can be whipped into a bloodlust frenzy.
I hate that our lives continue, our daily affairs unaffected, most of us disinterested and uninvolved. I hate that it’s entertainment. I hate that I am able enjoy these things I have, while people are dying.
